The Ass, the Table, and the Stick

A lad named Jack was once so unhappy at home through his father’s
ill-treatment, that he made up his mind to run away and seek his fortune
in the wide world.

He ran, and he ran, till he could run no longer, and then he ran right up
against a little old woman who was gathering sticks. He was too much out
of breath to beg pardon, but the woman was good-natured, and she said he
seemed to be a likely lad, so she would take him to be her servant, and
would pay him well. He agreed, for he was very hungry, and she brought him
to her house in the wood, where he served her for a twelvemonths and a
day.

When the year had passed, she called him to her, and said she had good
wages for him. So she presented him with an ass out of the stable, and he
had but to pull Neddy’s ears to make him begin at once to ee—aw! And
when he brayed there dropped from his mouth silver sixpences, and half
crowns, and golden guineas.

The lad was well pleased with the wage he had received, and away he rode
till he reached an inn. There he ordered the best of everything, and when
the innkeeper refused to serve him without being paid beforehand, the boy
went off to the stable, pulled the ass’s ears and obtained his pocket full
of money. The host had watched all this through a crack in the door, and
when night came on he put an ass of his own for the precious Neddy of the
poor youth. So Jack without knowing that any change had been made, rode
away next morning to his father’s house.

Now, I must tell you that near his home dwelt a poor widow with an only
daughter. The lad and the maiden were fast friends and true loves; but
when Jack asked his father’s leave to marry the girl, “Never till you have
the money to keep her,” was the reply. “I have that, father,” said the
lad, and going to the ass he pulled its long ears; well, he pulled, and he
pulled, till one of them came off in his hands; but Neddy, though he
hee-hawed and he hee-hawed let fall no half crowns or guineas. The father
picked up a hay-fork and beat his son out of the house. I promise you he
ran. Ah! he ran and ran till he came bang against the door, and burst it
open, and there he was in a joiner’s shop. “You’re a likely lad,” said the
joiner; “serve me for a twelvemonths and a day and I will pay you well.’”
So he agreed, and served the carpenter for a year and a day. “Now,” said
the master, “I will give you your wage;” and he presented him with a
table, telling him he had but to say, “Table, be covered,” and at once it
would be spread with lots to eat and drink.

Jack hitched the table on his back, and away he went with it till he came
to the inn. “Well, host,” shouted he, “my dinner to-day, and that of the
best.”

“Very sorry, but there is nothing in the house but ham and eggs.”

“Ham and eggs for me!” exclaimed Jack. “I can do better than that.—Come,
my table, be covered!”

At once the table was spread with turkey and sausages, roast mutton,
potatoes, and greens. The publican opened his eyes, but he said nothing,
not he.

That night he fetched down from his attic a table very like that of Jack,
and exchanged the two. Jack, none the wiser, next morning hitched the
worthless table on to his back and carried it home. “Now, father, may I
marry my lass?” he asked.

“Not unless you can keep her,” replied the father. “Look here!” exclaimed
Jack. “Father, I have a table which does all my bidding.”

“Let me see it,” said the old man.

The lad set it in the middle of the room, and bade it be covered; but all
in vain, the table remained bare. In a rage, the father caught the
warming-pan down from the wall and warmed his son’s back with it so that
the boy fled howling from the house, and ran and ran till he came to a
river and tumbled in. A man picked him out and bade him assist him in
making a bridge over the river; and how do you think he was doing it? Why,
by casting a tree across; so Jack climbed up to the top of the tree and
threw his weight on it, so that when the man had rooted the tree up, Jack
and the tree-head dropped on the farther bank.

“Thank you,” said the man; “and now for what you have done I will pay
you;” so saying, he tore a branch from the tree, and fettled it up into a
club with his knife. “There,” exclaimed he; “take this stick, and when you
say to it, ‘Up stick and bang him,’ it will knock any one down who angers
you.”

The lad was overjoyed to get this stick—so away he went with it to
the inn, and as soon as the publican, appeared, “Up stick and bang him!”
was his cry. At the word the cudgel flew from his hand and battered the
old publican on the back, rapped his head, bruised his arms tickled his
ribs, till he fell groaning on the floor; still the stick belaboured the
prostrate man, nor would Jack call it off till he had got back the stolen
ass and table. Then he galloped home on the ass, with the table on his
shoulders, and the stick in his hand. When he arrived there he found his
father was dead, so he brought his ass into the stable, and pulled its
ears till he had filled the manger with money.

It was soon known through the town that Jack had returned rolling in
wealth, and accordingly all the girls in the place set their caps at him.
“Now,” said Jack, “I shall marry the richest lass in the place; so
tomorrow do you all come in front of my house with your money in your
aprons.”

Next morning the street was full of girls with aprons held out, and gold
and silver in them; but Jack’s own sweetheart was among them, and she had
neither gold nor silver, nought but two copper pennies, that was all she
had.

“Stand aside, lass;” said Jack to her, speaking roughly. “Thou hast no
silver nor gold—stand off from the rest.” She obeyed, and the tears
ran down her cheeks, and filled her apron with diamonds.

“Up stick and bang them!” exclaimed Jack; whereupon the cudgel leaped up,
and running along the line of girls, knocked them all on the heads and
left them senseless on the pavement. Jack took all their money and poured
it into his truelove’s lap. “Now, lass,” he exclaimed, “thou art the
richest, and I shall marry thee.”